There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
