hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
