Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
