One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
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