Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
