You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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