i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize