I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
