You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
