I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
