haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize