I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
