im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
