There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Randomize
