So drunk its hurt
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
