It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
