I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
operation have a gay friend backfired
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
