Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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