i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
