...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
