Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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