I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
