I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
