Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
