just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
