wanna go halves on a baby?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
