She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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