My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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