the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
