Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Can I color on your dick again?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
