In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize