he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
