I need help removing her.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Couch. On fire.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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