Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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