yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
This is my gift to your gina
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize