I accidentally had phone sex last night
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
This gyro tastes like lonliness
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize