drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
