pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
