just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize