Need sex. Gaining weight.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
