Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Pants are for mortals
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize