Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
