So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
