My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
