the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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