I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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