Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize