i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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