Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
