Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
