Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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