she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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