you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
