Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
