Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
