Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
