i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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