I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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