I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
