Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
it was like eating out sand paper
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Randomize
