I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Randomize
