i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
