Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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