Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
