I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
