how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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