A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
