So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
