She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
