She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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