I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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