you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
