Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
