I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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