I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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