Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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