i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
two words...techno handjob
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
