dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
