i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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