life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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