tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
