I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Are my feet made of real feet?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
