I will die if light touches me.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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