my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
