I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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