I want to have your abortion
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Randomize